Statistic Slayer Pillows

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

Giant slug attacks a city

'Of students surveyed, 64% prefer English and 32% prefer math. The fact that these numbers do not add up to 100 may help explain why.'

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

"This is where things started getting really weird."

'I was wondering, Mr. Hartwelder, if I could be paid in money rather than stock options?'

"I'll stop saying 'irregardless' if you'll stop staying 'at this point in time.'"

'It's only a slug Norman.'

"Luckily the days are long gone when we just labeled people as "mad"'

Unsubscribe-A-Mole

My statistics are not rubbish. Why are you always so mean?

Performance anxiety lessons, the more you practice something.

'Oh, sure, I should wake him up...but I asked him to kill that thing a week ago!'

'Oh for crying out loud, so there's a spider in the bathtub!!'

"Goliath? We want you to defeat a tech giant."

Action News - "An eighteen month survey found that 82% of people asked, find that surveys are a waste of time."

'Willy, get me the pesticide! We've got zombies!'

"According to the latest stats, there are nine million Brits who aren't working."

David and Goliath

'What exactly is it you dislike about slugs, Mister Crabtree?'

'I think I can...'

'I would like to be able to refer to this statistical graph, but I have math anxiety.'

'Your presentation left them open-mouthed. Every one of them was yawning!'

'Look - the giant is dead! You got your cow back! Stop worrying about the loss of the bean crop!'

Quarantine

'I get that a lot.'

Boris adjusting the daily stats

"Josephine, my man!"

"87% of the 56% who completed more than 23% of the survey thought it was a complete waste of time."

'If at first you don't get the survey results you want on your first survey, get mad and tear it up.'

"The witness may continue. I was just killing a spider."

'Don't worry Hal, I think if you pour salt on them, they completely shrivel up.'

"I'm currently ranked 104,387,519th in the world."