Statin Savant T-Shirts

Vending machines labeled 'SNACKS' and 'STATINS.'

"Tariffs love me...tariffs love me not..."

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

The wonderful world of cheese.

It's okay Mom! As a broker, I'm under supervision of the SEC!

What are you in the mood to get confused watching tonight?

"Forget the allowance - I need a benefactor!"

"Up market, down market - he's still the same old curmudgeon."

"Ultimately, we realized we share too many app subscriptions not to make it work."

"In an unexpected development, the market behaved rationally today."

"So we've managed to consolidate all our multinational 24 hour hotline support centres down to one Single Point of Contact... and here he is."

A statue of a businessman in a park with an inscription that reads "Outperformed the market".

"Of course it's only prediction, we can't guarantee anything."

'I think it's time to reboot your fiscal compass.'

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

'No doubt about it, John, zero does represent a critical support level for this stock.'

'Today, stocks rose on the news that the more people have, the more they want.'

Company Share Price - "The god news is we've become a very attractive takeover target, sir."

'While your word is your bond, at this point it's a junk bond.'

'Now might be a good time to interject the GOOD news to the stockholders!'

'I don't believe in hoarding cash and gold Dad: I invest in shares online...'

Man climbing line chart, planting profit flag.

'They're called 'numbers' -- Now we can have public opinion polls!'

Piggy Bank ATM

'Sometimes I think the market is trying to tell us something, Ferguson...'

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

Doctor Flattened By The ER Rush

Nikolai Alekseevich Klyuev

"House red, sir?"

'Stocks fell on the perception that stocks would fall on the perception that stocks were falling.'

'We need to schedule an autopsy audit to find out what happened here.'

Wall Street Red Ink.

'The forever stamps I purchased at 42 cents are now 44 cents. That's an annual apprciation of 2 which is more than you earned on your investment portfolio.'

"The dove certainly helped, but GPS really nailed it."