Stately Home Appreciator Gifts

"My paw's getting tired. Is your paw getting tired?"

Long before the GPS, traveling humans found their way around by using an Atlas.

'You never compliment me when it's tidy so I figured you wouldn't notice when it's a tip!'

One tends to the sick. The other manages a large estate. Interestingly, a caregiver and a caretaker are not on opposite sides of an interaction.

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

Baby car seat for a Native American.

The Stat-ewe of Liberty.

"Your antique gold watch didn't float."

Mt. Tushmore

"Look, you asked me what my favorite book was and it just happens to be A Farewell to Arms."

"I knew you was mad when you tried to sell me to them "American Pickers" fellers."

"Good night, Al. We still haven't found it."

"Hey, what can I say? It's not Baltimore, but then what is?"

"Careful now. It's fragile."

Great Urban Sprawl

Painting the Sistine Chapel. 1508. 1509. 1510. 1511. 1512. It looks great, Michelangelo, but there's one thing I don't understand. Why didn't you just paint it in the regular way and then mount it on the ceiling?

Home is where you hang the lights.

"At the 2008 Olympics, Henry Cejudo became the youngest American to win a wrestling gold medal. His mother taught him that desire can trump despair. And then she taught him how to escape her chicken-wing armlock."

'I'm very proud of what he achieved during his life.'

'Of course, times have changed. The Earl and Countess now live in that folly!'

'Nostalgia just isn't what it used to be...'

Michelangelo's David

"I don't know who on Facebook told you, but I can assure you Stradivarius didn't make accordions!"

'One day this will be someone else's.'

Any old Gold - 'There's a man ahead of his time'

"Students, for Hispanic heritage month, I've ordered tasty pork tamales for everyone!"

Trilby - 'Ah, poor Mamma! she was ever so much prettier than that!'

Chadwick Boseman

"Oh no! Set decorator and special effects wizard Emilio Ruiz del Rio, who worked on 'Dr. Zhivago,' 'Lawrence of Arabia' and 'Pan's Labyrinth' has died!"

'He helps keep me focused on what matters most.'

"Honey, I'm home."

'I believe this is one of the original sets'

'How nice in this age of rampant hypocrisy, false promises and hollow platitudes to find something that means exactly what it says.'

'I had a house for that price, but it sold in 1962.'

Welsh dresser.