State Collector Gifts

Welcome to Kansas or Some State Very Much Like It

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

A man peddles U.S. flags on the sidewalk, next to a man peddling copies of the U.S. constitution

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

"Nuts to you, too."

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

'It seats two comfortably.'

'I chose my field on what would put the most impressive initials after my name.'

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

"Whaddya want for nineteen mil?"

Tolls: Must have exact change and tails up.

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'You shouldn't have.'

'Yes, our phones have WIRES attached to them! We're no free-range blabbermouths in this household!'

The Boss.

"You inherited an extra toe from your father and didn't pay the inheritance tax on it."

'Hi, I'm looking for something small and portable!'

"About your tax refund—would you like to donate it to help pay off the national debt?"

"Yeah, this many ways to contact her if I'm lost might be overkill."

'Oh great, now I have to render unto Caesar, too.'

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

'Syllogisms won't do you any good here, Mr Aristotle.'

J.P.Hensmore Superintendent AKA Head Honcho, The Big Guy,The Man, Numero Uno and The Big Cheese.

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

Orthopaedist

"I wonder what this was for."

"Congratulations J.L., I hear you're getting another 'really' in your title."

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

"Hey, Dad, guess what? My Honus Wagner baseball card is worth $2.1 million!"

"Right you've got 30 minutes...start squeezing!"

'Right you've got 30 minutes...start squeezing.'

"It's the government, they've spent all our taxes and want to know if we can send them some more."