Policy Collector Gifts

Car insurance, breakdown cover, mobile insurance, home insurance, camera insurance... - 'Life insurance, health insurance, professional indemnity, and tax insurance.' - 'Let the bad times roll... heh, heh!'

'Well, you have an excellent life policy -- now, would you be interested in some lifestyle insurance?'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

"Whaddya want for nineteen mil?"

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

Stop and Birch

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

"You inherited an extra toe from your father and didn't pay the inheritance tax on it."

'Oh great, now I have to render unto Caesar, too.'

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

"About your tax refund—would you like to donate it to help pay off the national debt?"

'Closing the letter with 'Very fondly yours' seems okay but let's run it by legal, to be sure it cannot be misinterpreted as sexual harassment.'

'Syllogisms won't do you any good here, Mr Aristotle.'

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

"What's that smell?" "A paper cut."

'Miss Wilson, get on the web and find me everything on bottles!'

"I wonder what this was for."

"Right you've got 30 minutes...start squeezing!"

'Right you've got 30 minutes...start squeezing.'

"It's the government, they've spent all our taxes and want to know if we can send them some more."

"Brrr - it was so cold today I had my hands in my own pockets instead of someone elses!"

'He's testing my Hippocratic Oath. He wors for the IRS.'

'How old is this vase?'

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"

"Hmm interesting Hallmark..."

A Tax Auditor Prescribes Treatment For A Doctor's Condition

irs, 'You were wrong -- they WEREN'T more afraid of me than I was of them.'

'...but the good new is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'Your entire library consists of nothing but tabloids bound in Corinthian leather?'

"As a confirmed hypochondriac, I rely on placebos to get me through the day."