Stat Master Gifts

'I know you struck out the first 26 batters, Fernando, but the computer says we have to take you out.'

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

"We structured the deal so it won't make any sense to you."

Man mourns the loss of his king after being checkmated.

'I can't get out! -- I lost the owner's manual!'

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

'15% of Americans don't have chairs in their living rooms, and of that 15%, 73% don't even realize it.'

'Okay, here's the plan...'

Customer Complaints - "Thank you, Thompson, for collecting the statistics."

'To find out how to start your new mobile, please read the manual. T' read the manual, please start your mobile.

'They're called 'numbers' -- Now we can have public opinion polls!'

Carl's still 51 annoyed at you for saying his opinion was statistically insignificant.

'That's Thompson. Best goalie we've ever had.'

"The instructions state that some anger, frustration and confusion is expected."

"I think I'd be better off trying to figure this out the game on my own."

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

'What's up? She been rearranging your shed again?'

Servant talking to her old master about her new position

Those Who Get Off On Not Social Distancing: 87% Celebrities On ZOOM: 83%. "We're All In This Together": 82%

'I prefer this way of resolving conflict.'

"According to this article 98% of the statistics you read in the newspaper are inaccurate."

'The reminds me. Place your orders for the lunchtime pizza.'

'Good. Now slide the 'O' ring over the hubble's sleeve there in front of you.'

"Johnson breaks record so obscure even nerds don't care."

'That's one of my earlier pieces.'

"Why do you still drink, smoke and eat fatty foods?"

Large handbook for hand held PCs.

US Federal Statistics: Meaningful and Meaningless,

'I've no time to read books...these are Instruction Manuals for my stuff!'

"This is why you read the instructions."

"I would advise you to reduce the size of your buisness."

A carload of people from the game of life get pulled over by police . . .

"We're updating stats for our fantasy football league."

'This manual should help you navigate our site.'