Startup Strategist Gifts

"When do you suppose it was our business lost its focus?"

Congratulations on starting your own firm.

"As far as I know, mine is the only job he's created."

"From my long experience in start-ups, I can explain how inflated your inflated claims can be before they cross the line."

'We're just beginning.'

"Welcome to the Small Business Administration."

"I started this company in my parents basement. I kept a backup copy in case I ever need to start another."

'Okay, that business plan didn't work - now let's try thinking outside the box.'

Software for the small businessman

Real High Tech, Inc: 'Under New Management. . . Under Newer Management.'

Stopping Uncle Sam adding rules and regulations to small businesses.

'Looks like the income off of our site has went from passive to comatose.'

"Crowd-funding's fantastic but the crowd-thanking is a real drag."

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

Robot Parts $5

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"