Starting A Vegan Diet Gifts

"Getting drunk grilling lettuce just isn't the same."

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"States of tofu"

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

"Wait—did you procure that worm humanely?"

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

'Congratulations on your 100% plant-based diet. I'm referring you to a botanist.'

Who should be the next eco-club president? The most vegan? The most carbon neutral? The most into solar? Eco-club. But we need someone who will attract kids to the environmental cause. Then it's obvious. The most popular. Or most athletic!

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

What's In Her Bag? Coachella Edition!

Before/After

Queen of Quinoa

"Two vegans, please."

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

"Is there a vegan option?"

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

'Is this still America?'

"What do you call a person who only eats corn?"

'Powdery stuff? Oh, that's egg substitute, from the Vegan lobby.'

Garlic Free Zone.

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

See, eating healthy isn't so bad...."

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

Like lambs to the slaughter, my ass.

Veggie Hall of Fame.

'It's going to be a vegan.'

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."