Starting A Vegan Diet Pillows

"Getting drunk grilling lettuce just isn't the same."

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"States of tofu"

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

"Wait—did you procure that worm humanely?"

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

'Congratulations on your 100% plant-based diet. I'm referring you to a botanist.'

What's In Her Bag? Coachella Edition!

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

Queen of Quinoa

Before/After

"Two vegans, please."

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

"Is there a vegan option?"

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

Garlic Free Zone.

"What do you call a person who only eats corn?"

'Powdery stuff? Oh, that's egg substitute, from the Vegan lobby.'

'Is this still America?'

See, eating healthy isn't so bad...."

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

Like lambs to the slaughter, my ass.

'It's going to be a vegan.'

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."