Starsigns T-Shirts

"Gemini. You?"

"...Capricorn? You are right to think change is overdue at work and much is happening."

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

One way only.

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, when Jupiter is in his 6th house or Saturn is in his 2nd, until death do you part?"

Ill next Thursday

"Make sure you get payment up front."

"We're not compatible. I'm a Virgo and your an idiot..."

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

'Don't you think it's strange that all snakes are Aries, Taurus or Gemini...?'

Al, you look nonplussed. I just heard that they discovered a new astrological sign, and my birthday now falls under the sign of the jackass.

". . . and in the corner to my right, weighing 217 pounds, fighting as a Capricorn with Capricorn rising and Mars conjunct Uranus in the fifth, out of Beaufort, South Carolinaaa. . ."

Man convinced by a flattering character sketch

'Therapist is one word George!'

'Why, yes, I am a Capricorn...how did you know?'

Horoscope: Sagittarius. You could visualize the results of some of your plans when the perfect partner comes to your aid.

'I don't deny that my client murdered a man, but his moon was in Taurus, folks, His moooooon was in Taurus!'

'True, the Ezra Yomp Scholarship is very generous, but you have to be a capricorn to apply.'

"Her Taurus was in opposition to my Libra."

'And our star signs are perfectly compatible!'

Joan was a true believer in Astrology. However, this was the first time she had come face to face with a real member of the Zodiac... a giant scorpio!

'Capricorns have all the luck.'

Caution - Sign partly concealed by bush

Pisces

"So, you're certain that it will be okay for me to travel during December ... "

'That's cute. You're a Virgo and I'm a vegetarian.'

Mercury rising.

Gemini/people

'Here's your problem. The software was manufactured in November and your computer was manufactured in February. Sagittarius is incompatible with Aquarius.'

'We can mail these thank you cards now that I've forged your name.'

"And if I move Mercury over here, all the Libras go nuts."

'Far out! How did you pick me as a leo?'

'It's all been said already.'

'The princes from the fairy tales may prefer virgins but hey, Geminis are pretty nice, too'

Scorpio/scorpion