Stars Prints

"What time does the outdoors close?"

The obesity epidemic is really spreading. Orion just added a notch to his belt.

Al, you look nonplussed. I just heard that they discovered a new astrological sign, and my birthday now falls under the sign of the jackass.

"Scarlett Johansson"? Look, pal, I'm a wishing star, not a miracle-working star!

"A shooting star! Make a wish, Billy, you ugly doofus."

'So, Commander - what can you tell us about your secret mission to study Earth's shooting stars?' - 'No comet.'

God creating the galaxy.

Three kings with a shooting star

Gracie for Queen...of the universe.

"Like the stars in the Universe, he's beyond comprehension."

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

Applause. Clap clap bravo. Spring musical. Cats. You were terrific! Our little girl!

Taking a peek at the audience

Jack Gleeson

Ice skater

Eric Clapton.

Grade 2 Cellist

Soaring Profits

Ladies

'Which one is named after me?'

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

Your granddaughter is studying for SATs. Oh really? Ahem! What did you get on your practice tests? Drool.

I can't wait 'til her tryouts for "Cats" are over.

Doctor Bartolo

Mu-ther!! Pu-lease! I already have cleaned my room. I vant to be left alone! So when are the drama club auditions? Everyday.

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics! (Published originally on February 9, 2013).

"I got the part, but I play a waiter."

'Damn! McGee's good!'

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, when Jupiter is in his 6th house or Saturn is in his 2nd, until death do you part?"

Von Trapp family masks

'He has been like that ever since he had a small part in 'Finding Nemo'!'

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'