Star Sign Buff Pillows

'You don't look so good..? Cancer.'

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, when Jupiter is in his 6th house or Saturn is in his 2nd, until death do you part?"

Ill next Thursday

"We're not compatible. I'm a Virgo and your an idiot..."

"I never thought I'd get married again."

Mama Z'Belle...astrologer...your fortune based on the science of astronomy: 'Oh, oh it looks like your chart has shifted red...'

'Don't you think it's strange that all snakes are Aries, Taurus or Gemini...?'

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

'Your North Pole is wobbling - you should see a spin doctor.'

". . . and in the corner to my right, weighing 217 pounds, fighting as a Capricorn with Capricorn rising and Mars conjunct Uranus in the fifth, out of Beaufort, South Carolinaaa. . ."

'Ha ha! You've been afraid of someone else's future!'

'Why, yes, I am a Capricorn...how did you know?'

Horoscope: Sagittarius. You could visualize the results of some of your plans when the perfect partner comes to your aid.

"I'll need a bigger one of these hat thingys." "Allen converts to Judaism in an attempt to conceal his bald spot"

'And our star signs are perfectly compatible!'

Joan was a true believer in Astrology. However, this was the first time she had come face to face with a real member of the Zodiac... a giant scorpio!

"Her Taurus was in opposition to my Libra."

'True, the Ezra Yomp Scholarship is very generous, but you have to be a capricorn to apply.'

'...and according to our star signs we're perfectly matched!'

"Wow! I bet you're a Pisces or Aquarius!"

Crescent moon...left - handed crescent moon

'Capricorns have all the luck.'

Gemini/people

'That's cute. You're a Virgo and I'm a vegetarian.'

Pisces

"And if I move Mercury over here, all the Libras go nuts."

Mercury rising.

'Here's your problem. The software was manufactured in November and your computer was manufactured in February. Sagittarius is incompatible with Aquarius.'

"So, you're certain that it will be okay for me to travel during December ... "

'Far out! How did you pick me as a leo?'

Cat Horoscopes: 'You will spend the day curled up on the comfy chair. In the evening expect a treat from your owner for being so good.'