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Applause

"Just be yourself."

Saxophone Player.

'Not even close man - easy listening's around the corner.'

'Don't bite. They're trolling again.'

'Tell your boss we represent an independent watchdog committee.'

"I just wish the Earth was as beautiful to live on as it is to look at... It's right behind me, isn't it?"

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

"You've tested positive for being awesome. Just kidding - it was negative."

Ta Da!...

Comedian faces audience of clowns: 'Ooh, tough crowd.'

"I'll now take some rambling, nonsensical statements from the audience."

"Paper or plastic?"

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

"OK, well, if you do hear anything, be sure to give us a call."

"Well, we can kiss being free-range goodbye."

'He's a cheat I tell you - it's just a trick!'

'Actually, we don't like the term 'cannibal', we prefer to be called 'homovores'.'

Jack in the Box Reading Joke Book.

'Your Majesty, the peasants are out of bread', 'Then let them eat low-carb stuff,'

"Religion, politics, sex...in this part of the world every cartoonist is free to draw whatever he wants!"

"So, colony collapse disorder - how funny is it?"

"Make it look like an accident"

'Prolonged sitting leads to death? What's up with that?'

The First Hecklers

Man asking what is a stall at the opera

Charles Darwin, stand-up comic

'His dad was a standup. He's a quip off the old block.'

Evolution in the Era of the Selfie

"I'm sorry, sir, but a blade's a blade."