Stand-up Comedy Buff Gifts

"My husband wanted me to get a boob job, so I became a stand-up comedian."

'Shaving is better because no one can tell if you're really bald or not.'

They hated me.

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

Snowprov

Cat Nip.

Grand Canyon. What's so great about the Grand Canyon?...Most of it's missing!

Backfire

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

The Seven Dwarfs After Therapy

'He does lack social skills.'

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

Cheeze Wiz.

"Bloody hell!"

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

Snowman with Happy Face Badge.

The Golfing Accident

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

"Is there a vegan option?"

Fishing line going in to water and then dropping down from sky at top of panel.

'Try and be pleasant dear, you don't want to alienate it.'

"And would you like flies with that?"

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

A man walks his dog wearing a cone.

'Yes... but is he a good watch dog?'

Cat Hecklers

'This fish isn't tank broken - I want a refund!'

Wedding disaster #27.

'Sorry, but I'm arresting you for being in possession of an endangered wild coho salmon.'

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

"Beware of the frog"

"Halloween is the perfect time to land on Earth. Nobody will notice us and we can get free candy."

The perfect choice for president?... Stephen Colbert!