Stairway Skeptic Gifts

Favoured angels were given a special pass for the 'Lift to Heaven'

"How many times have I told you? Stop playing on the stairs!"

Dead Scientists Climbs DNA Stairway to Heaven.

"Last one to the top's a geriatric."

"She's not the perfect wife, but at least she's not always buying shoes."

Unusual Staircase

Warning: this is a safe area.

'In your defense, I see you're not very bright. Most folks take the elevator.'

Rules and procedure

Man on the way to Heaven worries about steps.

"We gave every employee the latest fitness tracker wristband. It helps them keep tabs on our 35-step-per-day limit."

'Oh well, never let it be said you can't handle your booze!'

'I'm waiting for the Government to build an elevator!'

"Never mind honey, I found the garage door opener."

Caution - Sign partly concealed by bush

Weight Loss Center on top of huge stairway used to get to the top.

Old woman on a stair lift to Heaven

"Come on! You can do this!!"

The coward's way out.

'Oh it's quite a D.U.S.I.'

"Our safety manual is nothing but a big joke."

If the N.R.A. ran the D.O.T.

'It scored first in everything except the rollover tests...'

Lonely Trump Rally in Tulsa

Acme Discount Life Vests

'When do you guys plan to invent a crash test dummy?'

"Of course it's not safe. That's why I'm here."

'Oh, come on, they wouldn't sell it if it wasn't safe.'

"I don't think we've time for a risk-reward analysis."

'How about a bike ride?' 'Nah, the seat hurts my butt, and I'd have to put air in the tires, and I'd have to put shorts on so my pant leg doesn't get caught and...' 'And you'd have to get up.' 'And I'd have to get up.'

"Where are the fire exits?"

"Dear Mrs. Gravitch: Your fears are groundless. With the proper precautions, nuclear energy is clean and safe..."

"Yeah, yeah, I see him out there flailing around. But, that's the damn ocean bro..."

"Only 200 steps? But I've been chasing a buck all day long!"

"I'm starting a fitness program. Since we work on the 90th floor, I'm nor requiring all employees o use the stairs."