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Mister Mid-Life Crisis

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

"I became a mentor because I needed more direction in life."

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

"Great, now we're lost."

'But Mom, can't I just skip puberty and go straight to mid-life crisis?'

Seven males, ranging in age from a baby to an old man, wait in a line monitored by a uniformed guard.

'In denial and loving it!'

"Stephen wants to be a fireman, Emily a doctor, and Matthew plans to take a few years off to find himself."

Male Mid-Life Myth--The Hair Fairy

'You've been having your damn midlife crisis for eighteen years!'

'Are you having a mid-life crisis?', 'Let's hope so.'

'It's a Sam Shepard play with the usual props - burnt toast, live animals, and a penis or two.'

"Hello, Dr. Moreno? I wanted to tell you how nice it was to visit you today, but I'm not sure I needed all the pill samples...especially since I'm not sick."

'He's going through a phase of wanting to be a grape again.'

Four Stages of Boyhood

Ages of man.

"You'd think a Humanities professor would be more lenient in her grading."

Jell-O: A Life.

"Doreen and I became nudists! I've never felt so free, Lloyd!"

"He will be remembered by his Google Assistant."

Find your doctor.

No Smoking in the Castle

'I worked very hard and finally got to the top of the ladder... only to find that I'd leaned it against the wrong wall.'

'If I'd known I was going to live 900 years, I'd never have opted for early retirement.'

After a fruitless 18 years search over five continents, Joe Golez finally finds himself in the Gents of a flee-bitten bar in downtown San Antone.

"I'm lost!"

"Although 60 is the new 40, for some people 40 is the new 60."

The Seven Ages of Man: Sleepy, Happy, Dopey, Bashful, Doc, Sneezy, Grumpy.

"With increased class sizes, I'm making more friends."

Middle Aged Spread.

'I hate to be the one to break it to you, but I don't think they're gonna miss us over the summer. I think they stopped missing us in April.'

The critics were unanamous - by walking out after the first act, they all missed the sensational second act.