Life Stage Explorer T-Shirts

Seven males, ranging in age from a baby to an old man, wait in a line monitored by a uniformed guard.

Ages of man.

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

Grand. Baby Grand. Toddler Grand. Teen Grand.

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"A sentimental journey of a thousand miles begins with the first martini."

Book of Life, Answers in Back.

'I wish I were your age again, and knew what I know now.'

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

Highway of Life. Bump. Bump. Bump. Bump. Bump.

"I'm afraid this whole experiment is about to go south."

"The one day we decided 'To hell with hair!' "

'I appreciate the fact that your husband likes my bike, but can you tell him to quit drooling all over it?'

Truthfully, I'm just a frustrated insurance agent …

'Dad, what were you like when you weren't a kid?'

I'm 40! Oh. Well happy birthday. A lot of people wouldn't be happy about turning 40. But I'm thrilled! I've been looking forward to my midlife crisis for a long time. I've got it all planned. First I'm going to buy a sports car. Then I'm going to leave my family for someone half my age who really GETS me. Then we're going to embark on a road trip filled with booze, shoplifting and debauchery. Anyway, what's your most dangerous drink? I want something that says "I'm letting the tiger in me out to

"To tell you the truth, I never thought downward mobility would be so, well, downward."

"Well, did you get motorcycle riding out of your system?"

'In denial and loving it!'

'This isn't any comparison to my going through menopause!'

"I can't tell if I feel tired because I'm older, or I feel older because I'm tired."

'It's a Sam Shepard play with the usual props - burnt toast, live animals, and a penis or two.'

How?

'You've been having your damn midlife crisis for eighteen years!'

'Are you having a mid-life crisis?', 'Let's hope so.'

The meaning of life...

"Don't patronize me. Nobody cares what I think anymore. Go ask Dr. Phil."

Maze life.

'If I were you, I'd start doing those things on your 'Things to do before you die' list.'

We only go round once, but it can be quite the loop-de-loop! (Published originally on December 21, 2013.)

"I think my mid life crisis has slipped by without me noticing it!"

Follow your bliss. The obstacle is the path. If you aim for it, you are turning away from it. Zen GPS.

"On the bright side, ever since the layoff and my divorce it's been much easier to balance work and family."