Stadium Joker Pillows

Finally, a big puffy hand for the losing team.

"Damn those dugout Martinis!"

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

". . . So that's 4 birdies, 1 eagle, 2 ferrets and a rabbit!"

'Hole in one!!!!'

"How about we write a song combining Brexit with unrequited love?"

'Hey, hey, hey!'

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

Golfer wears 'How's my driving?' t-shirt.

'People have been known to lose an eye when a wink goes seriously wrong.'

'... and finally, before tip-off, let's all be courteous and turn off our cell phones.'

'When Einstein wrote about time and relativity he must have been watching a football game where the last 30 seconds took two hours.'

'Yup, cannon in D.'

Footballer changes shirt with the ref.

"You idiots … we lost!"

Ha! Musical fruit my patootie...

George Best

'Jim I don't think you have quite go this 'Iron Man Challenge' thing.'

'I had three catches dropped today.' - 'Yes, but the were dropped by spectators in the stand.'

Hope and pray it's nothing more than a 'Spectator Sport'!'

Football drummer

'The pro told me my score of 392 is a course record!'

"Uh ho. It looks like the Ref's giving him the yellow vuvuzela."

'First time I've seen the club go farther than the ball.'

'Team spirit, my ass.'

His Other Shtick

"I've got sea mail."

'Beware of Dog' sign next to accordion-playing canine.

The defence were confident about their offside trap.

Stretcher Header.

Offering a golfer a spade.

Do you really have to do that every time you make a good call? If refs acted like players.

Spiked Ball

"The last one to The Four Seasons picks up the check."

'I must warn you that bagpipes sound exactly the same when you've finished learning as when you start. . .'