Squirrel Diplomat Gifts

"I hear the food's good. But try to get a table."

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

Israel/Palestine Conflict

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

'We can't go on meeting like this'.

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

"To begin with, I would like to express my sincere thanks and deep appreciation for the opportunity to meet with you. While there are still profound differences between us, I think the very fact of my presence here today is a major breakthrough."

"I don't think you can get a peace prize for ending a war that you started."

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comments section just solved the Middle East crisis."

'Please forgive me for anything I've said or left unsaid.'

'...It's O.K. hon', it's just the third world.'

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

Militant Pacifists

EU

"Three yummies, a pat on the head, and a 'Good doggy.' That's my client's final offer."

'I've been depressed ever since PBS said pigs are smarter than dogs!'

More Excuses to Stay in Afghanistan

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

Landing That Tough Account

"Here's another fine mess you've gotten us into."

'It's Always 'Good Dog'—Never 'Great Dog.'

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

'A Telegram, M'Lord.'

"I'm just saying, studies show that owning a human can improve the quality of your life."

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

"Why did you start this war, you lousy, democracy-obsessed Nazi!"

'Oh, yes, you will get off!'

"Wow, interesting, looks like she's not just being mean: research shows that chocolate is actually bad for us. . ."

"I'm about ready to forgive the French."

Liberia is left behind by a car guided by the 'Road Map To Peace'

'You can't charm me out of this chair.'

'Heeheehee! My guests will love it!'