Spreadsheets Savant Gifts

Woman in booksotre looking at books labeled 'Highly Graphic Novels.' Covers of books show various charts, graphs, spreadsheets.

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

"I love your optimism."

Sales chart plummets into employees head.

"How is the budget forecast looking?"

"Forget the allowance - I need a benefactor!"

'Perkins, you really know to suck the joy out of a 3rd quarter report.'

'We're a non-profit organisation. We didn't plan it that way, but that's how it worked out.'

"What comes after zillion?"

Sales Chart Through Ceiling

'We need people who dream the impossible dreams - like pensions and health care.'

"Then you just run a VLOOKUP against the Naughty column."

"Will you stop saying 'ouch' every time I cut something out of your budget?"

Macho talk from down in accounting.

"So we've managed to consolidate all our multinational 24 hour hotline support centres down to one Single Point of Contact... and here he is."

"Well in our defence we did get the numbers right they were just in the wrong order!"

Project Manager Showdown

Tax Collector

"I'll need some distracting hilarity on the borders of my quarterly report."

"When you have my schedule, you need large sticky notes."

'I would like to return this chart. It didn't perform up to our expectations.'

'For people to think we just pluck figures out of THIN AIR is RIDICULOUS, we use a bucket.'

"House red, sir?"

"Hmm.... now I hadn't noticed THAT before..."

Piggy Bank ATM

'I dunno Jim...Accountancy just doesn't thrill me like it used to.'

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

"Hi, I'm Bob Darrel. I'm here to perform the audit of your books. Don't mind the vultures. They follow me everywhere."

Do you want this set of books, or the set you keep in the broom cupboard?

J W D Butterworth chief accountant - Pin-stripes made of numbers

STRIP Hambone: Computer addict