Spreadsheet Samurais Gifts

"Next time be more careful where you put the decimal point!"

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

Overworked in the office

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

"All we have to fear is fear itself and unmet quarterly projections."

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"I think I'll have the businessman's lunch."

'We need to change the introduction to our annual report. What's another word for bankrupt?'

"That's more like it Perkins..!!"

"Then you just run a VLOOKUP against the Naughty column."

Macho talk from down in accounting.

The good news is that I've got all the figures...the BAD news is that I'm not sure what order to put them in!

'Henry, I'm here to trim back your budget.'

"I hate check writing, but, hey, it pays the bills."

"Now the board will hear from Todd from Accounting with his free verse composition 'My Mistress, Brash and Beguiling – the Third Quarter Numbers.'"

'Here's the improved margins you said you wanted to see this year, Tom.'

"This is Thompson, he has a black belt in budget control."

'First the good news.'

"Oh, that three billion dollars."

"Here - I've no use for spreadsheets where I'm going."

'This is a very bad report, Jenkins. Go to your cubicle.'

'Hang on a minute! We forgot to write down that check number in the giant register...'

"You can go home now, Barmpot - we've balanced."

"Watching him work those spreadsheets all day can be very relaxing."

"I have been inputting garbage into my systems for 12 months, why is this spend analysis GARBAGE?!"

'And this I take it is the bookkeeping department.'

Accountant's Awards - "Our next award is for 'Tax Loophole of the Year'..."

When accountants carry out dawn raids.

"Like you, I once loved women - then I discovered spreadsheets."

'Well, well. You made thirteen hundred dollars more last year than you did the year before -- you people never learn, do you?'

'Excellent Hoskins, you've got all the right numbers, now shall we see if you can put them in the right order?'

'This spreadsheet program has really been enhanced since I installed the Ouija board.'

'84% of our losses are due to accounting errors.'

'The dog ate my tax receipts...'