Spouse Contemplating Life's Purpose T-Shirts

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

Taylor, I've decided to sack you. I hope this doesn't affect our marriage in any way.

"Some days I really wish I had finished med school. Not that I ever started med school."

'You know the rules, Mr Dotterill - you're only allowed one visitor at a time.'

'Today the market corrected itself AND Leonard.'

"This rush-rush life is getting old. Sometimes, I think about moving back to the land where I way born. What do you think, Baldo? What would you miss the most?"

Three Pointless Things to Do This Week: Break into a sweat/Search for the Hero Inside Yourself/Toy with the Idea of Leaving Your Husband or Wife.

"All I'm saying is that family values are really important to all of us. For example...I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married. You?"

'It's bad enough losing to a takeover bid, but when it's your wife who takes over....'

'Enough about me. Let's talk about you. But let's not rush into talking about you...'

The Pursuit of Happiness

'Yesterday, when you smiled at me in that cute way of yours and said 'You can be a real jerk,' was that just an observation or were you giving me permission?'

'There may never come a prince to marry me... so what, a credit officer would be great as well!'

"It drives me MAD when farmers complain about their work. . . I mean they do valuable important, interesting and rewarding work. . . and they get to do it 90 hours a week!"

"Don't ask me for a description, I might change my mind about wanting him back."

'But marriage is such a big responsibility, Jenny--maybe they should wait a few years.'

'I'll tell you why you never catch cold. There isn't a germ that could live with you.'

'Don't worry, I was just thinking outside the ring.'

'You're wasting your time, pal -- I'm a married man.'

"Do you ever worry we might be canceling each other out?"

'If global warming is real...how come your feet never get any warmer?'

'I don't care what HE says...one wife is enough and I'm not taking yours with me.'

'Those threesomes just aren't right!'

'Hey look, the shiny thing is shining... just like yesterday... and last week... man I wish they'd put a tv in here.'

Doubtful death.

'Well, Mr. Hefner. Here we are. Hope you're not disappointed.'

Missing Persons@ 'I don't want him back...I just want to know what he's been up to!'

"...and get ready to live in constant fear. Kids will ruin the life you now enjoy...R-U-I-N."

"I'll be honest with you, Anne, I did marry you for love, but you being a malpractice attorney did play into my decision."

My Wife Went To Heaven And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt.

'Guns-shmuns! -- What this country needs is a ten-day waiting period for MARRIAGE!'