Spousal Supporter Pillows

'No, officer, I'm not a homeless beggar. I'm just waiting on my wife while she's shopping.'

"How come you always take Amnesty International's side?"

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

"Gracie, I'm proud of you. Your team lost, but you tried your best and that's all that counts."

"Don't worry, darling. You'll happen."

The Perfect Foil

"We're going to have to think outside the box to boost sales, minion."

Behind Every Stupid Man

When the Dalmatian ran away, he was spotted two blocks from home.

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

Alms Bank

'He's more supportive after his nap.'

"Those are insightful and legitimate questions about our country, Tommy, and if times were different, your mom and I probably wouldn't have to report you to the government for asking them!"

Me and my money are soon parted

"Never marry an engineer."

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

Scared husband needs to have scans done in children's exam room.

Girl Scout cookies selling the girl scout.

'His wife is very supportive.'

"Then we agree. 10 minutes of your news, then 10 minutes of mine."

It's January. Do you know where your children are?

Old Love

"The groceries are in the car."

'Swear on your unpublished novels that you will support each other's ridiculous dreams.'

"So then in comes this good-looking French vet from Vétérinaires sans Frontirères."

Vicar prays for money for church repairs.

'Oooh, honey, will you get me that one?!'

"Nice sermon. Not too preachy."

'What did your grandmother and I do before we had 600 channels? Go ask your 12 aunts and uncles.'

Rodin's Charity Collector

"The beanbag chair, … do we take it out of the furniture budget or the art budget?"

'Technology hasn't saved me any money. I'm now supporting those relatives of mine they replaced.'