Sports Trivia Guru Gifts

Funky Facts: Football.

"Did you honestly expect our couples therapist to know when Jacoby Ellsbury will be off the disabled list?!"

'The manager takes the pitcher out of the game'

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

The Washington Arbitrators

Football Fan.

"I thought they decided who was the best team last year?"

'... And now, the sports gossip.'

"We're playing soccer, not football!"

'If you look closely at the CAT scan, you can see a tiny area of normal brain activity. Otherwise, he's got nothing but a headful of useless sports statistics.'

"Johnson breaks record so obscure even nerds don't care."

'He's okay otherwise, but I get sick and tired of hearing about his lifetime batting average of .325.'

'The sports seasons never end, now with all his fantasy leagues.'

'...You have a morbid fear of the ball.'

The Breakfast of Cheaters

Throwing the syringe.

'...and once again we have interruption of play caused by movement behind the bowler's arm.'

"Just remember, if you give a hundred and ten per cent, I get twenty per cent of that."

Pirate sitting in boxing ring, trainer talking to boxer: 'Watch out for his right hook.'

'Extinct species' 'England Wimbledon Champ'

Best guess, nuclear war or the French football camp!

Football League - Concussions R Us.

"Your reputation for taking penalties doesn't scare me... Ready when you are."

Evolution of the cricket ball

'Athletic Trainer in the locker room...'

Fat kids in football T-shirts, Rooney and Ronaldo. Man says: 'It's good for kids to have sport role models.'

'These DNA results confirm what we suspected. There is only a 1-in-5 billion chance that you did not commit the foul.'

'Eton Football (Special Report by Dumb-Crambo Junior.)'

'Hello, God? Tony here... Fine, thanks. SIr, it's that Hayes guy. He's cheating again. You want I should whack him?'

An elephant's memory: not always too reliable.