Sports Scandal Aficionado Pillows

Scandal is catching up to Lance Armstrong.

"Portrait of a Lady"

Oscar would laugh whenever he recalled his empty existence before golf.

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

'Fancy a game of five-a-side, boys?'

The signing of Ben Franklin's non-disclosure agreement.

'I was hounded out of office!', 'That explains the smell.'

'When I'm not thinking about me, the Giants, the Knicks or the Yankees, I'm thinking about us.'

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

Fifty shades of Leveson.

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

"Maps to stars' rehab centers."

The Harper Plays Cricket.

Cristiano Ronaldo

Joey Barton's red card wins Premiership League for Manchester City.

"That's nuthin'. Yesterday he beat up Alex Rodriguez."

'He's missed six goals today. I bet he could kick himself.'

'Oh, I'm just writing a tender memoir or my long ago affair with J.F.K...it's filled with pathos and sad wishful longing...'

"Depressed, anxious, worried about the future we've had a great deal of this recently...I'd suggest you avoid watching England for a while."

Thibaut Nicolas Marc Courtois

Football.

"Sir, your new campaign manager is here."

"I need to buy a faster fastball."

Fox hunting.

"Yes, it's a sports related injury. He dropped his bowling ball."

'Yo, Corona! Pack your stuff! You've been traded.'

"What's the best way to break up a marriage?"

"Doesn't look good. The boss just changed his Facebook status to 'Fleeing the country with hookers and compnay 401k plan.'"

"We're going public with our stock AND your philandering."

'It took some doing, but we got your name on!'

Trump returns home

Mary Trump

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."