Sports Jargon Junkie Gifts

Sports vocabulary

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

Even good cholesterol can develop an unhealthy sports addiction...

"Our detractors call it suburban sprawl, but I prefer thinking of our plan as 'sustainable over-development!'"

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

He used to pass the buck, since being promoted to management he gets to call it delegating authority.

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

'Instead of cubicles, we call them interconnected productivity centres.'

'Here's the good news. 'Happy camper' and 'are we having fun yet' have been added to the official list of banned cliches.'

"This is his fifteenth successive Olympics."

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

"I propose the next person who says 'it is what it is,' we beat the living hell out of him."

"I liked it better when you used gobbledygook."

"I hear you've got quite a reputation with the girls around the office."

"Come to my office. I need to cascade with you offline."

Since I took over the department, I've turned it around 360 degrees.

"You can't quit my bridal fashion business. It says so in the prenup, I man the non-compete agreement!"

"Mr. Thomaston's people are here to talk to your people."

"Our branding lacks that certain sense of timeless gravitas. Can we have it iconosized?"

"Look at this - we're trying to merge with some of our acquisitions, and we're trying to acquire some of our mergers."

'Do you know how much it cost me to LEARN all this psychobabble?'

'If we are to reorientate our forward facing rhetorical platform we must rephrase our message to cross fertilise the core message..holistically!'

'But it didn't cost anything, dear! I did it all off balance-sheet!'

'It has everything... I love it!'

"Can you believe those guys? We tell them absolutely, positively no further negotiations, and they stop negotiating!"