Sports-influencer Gifts

Cristiano Ronaldo

"Tariffs love me...tariffs love me not..."

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

'For those with books, open and follow along. For those with laptops, follow me on Twitter.'

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

Other girl's luxuries are my necessities.

"I can't decide. I'm having a brand identity crisis."

Changing Minds

The Popularity of Pickleball Inspires a New Wave of Hybrid Sports.

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

"Where have you been? This content's not going to create itself."

From Hunter-Gatherer to Influencer: The Evolution of the Dignity of Labor

"We're not really fighting, mom. We just need a little drama for our YouTube channel. Subscribers equal money."

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'

"What do you want to be when you blow up?"

'And the wicked stepmother looked into her smartphone and said, "Selfie, selfie in my face, who's the fairest in this place?"

'And, for the student with the most hits on his or her Facebook page, the award goes to Lisa Skemley!'

"Well, the alternative would be to use your social media accounts to promote toothlessness."

"I'm spending more time promoting myself than I am being myself."

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

"Influence this."

"May I recommend our Seared Filet with Lobster Cream Sauce? It's very photogenic."

"This is off our first TikTok."

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

Creativity 2.0

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

Witches of Instagram

"Remember when we were Instagram models?"

'Your tweets have quite a following.'

"Baldo, why do you make fun of my playing?"

'We're an international company, Mr. Zickenbarth. We've got creditors in more than 200 different countries!'

"I already have the perfect hashtag!"