Sports Ethicist Gifts

'There's more to life than winning. There's also testing negative for steroids.'

Ethics exam cheater.

Squeezing the Free Press.

Others will fight for you

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

"In a further effort to increase profits, control costs and satisfy shareholders, we've decided to steal stuff."

"Moulting"

"Hi, Bob - your consultants have just arrived."

"Take special note of the change to our policy on honesty."

Stoneage business ethics: 'But, hey, this 'ethics' stuff isn't carved in stone!'

Experience is important, so I'm inclined to leave questions of ethics to those who have them.

'We're getting back to first principles...which means we're going to have some.'

"I'll tell you, mock jury duty beats cancer testing."

Tragically Moses didn't see the eleventh commandment.

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

'Now you see, that's EXACTLY what we should try to avoid here.'

Anonymous Donations

"I have to admit Dick Cheney makes a strong argument for torture. But I still think torturing him would be wrong."

"They have oat fiber, wheat fiber, and rice fiber, but no moral fiber."

'Yep, that does sound like an ethical dilemma, Phil. But relax... it's only a problem if you have a conscience.' 'That's just it! I think I do!!' 'Don't worry, I won't tell a soul.'

'It's not the same. I was caught stealing office supplies. You, on the other hand, got caught stealing ideas.'

'We're able to cut back on legal fees by being more ethical.'

'We have to be forthright with the public. We have to have their confidence. We have to convince them we're working for the common good. Then we can invade their privacy.'

"Do you know that we saved a ton of money on legal fees by being more ethical?"

'Dayton, you're a decent, respectable, ethical, honest and nice guy. What the hell are you up to?'

'Taking bribes is understandable, Senator, but you really shouldn't keep billing records.'

Environmentally Sound Management of Biotechnology.

Uncle Sam's Reflection

"We could try reversing the drug's side effects with gene therapy, but we don't want to get into trouble with the SPCA."

"We used to do business more transparently, but it was too disturbing."