Sports Comedy Aficionado Pillows

"Watch out for his right hook."

'Relax, he's just here to kill golf games. He's going to send your drive three fairways over.'

'Please open your mouth and say '68, 56, 87, ..'

'We're behind by five with a minute to go. This is where you show them what you're made of. ... Now get out there and make fools of yourselves.'

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

'Why couldn't you throw like that in the game?'

'Best save I've ever seen.'

'He's gonna dunk on me. I just know it.'

Pole Vault Rules

"Lord Stanley's Cup...and Bailey"

Ok, ok, maybe you guys are right - maybe I do have a concussion.

'...and watch out for his 'flipper'!'

'We've conducted a chemical analysis of the beef in hot dogs, and we've determined, Mr Ruth, you are guilty of steroid enhancement.'

'Captain, we're going to have to ask you to stop spiking the ball.'

"You are aware that’s a golf ball?"

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

The Cricketer and the Golfer

Football heads...

Punishment for the kicker.

'Five seconds! ...Four ...Three ...Two ...One ...SPRING!!'

Team medic spraying deodorant

The locker room door suddenly swings open, and Randy is busted by a steroid-sniffing dog.

'Focus! Focus! You've just gotta' forget about their home ground advantage.

Pole jumper about to land on a giant whoopi cushion.

"Listen, I've had 25 fights and won all but 24 of them."

'...And Timmy, as usual, will guard goal.'

T-Rex Racing: A Short-Lived Sport

Captain Ahab and Moby Dick in Retirement

'Just putt the dang ball, already!'

Golf escape.

"Twenty seven shots, first hole. I think we'll call that a dodo."

'In this...um...part of the circle...'

Jack Nicholas - Sun-Visor