Spoilsport Gifts

'Whoa! What are you doing?' Husband asks wife as she blacks out the TV.

'Shoot, this is nothing, you should have seen how good we had it back in ancient Egypt.'

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

Golf Clubs Underwater.

'Charles is a linguist. He speaks three language...golf, baseball and football.'

Love is... when your puppy licks you face without knowing where it's been.

"I think the milk's off!"

'This has a great ending...he shoots her.'

'Can I see your license,please?'

'We spoil that dog.'

"They did the brunch! They did the monster brunch!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I ruin it for you by saying it was the butler who did it? Such a good book..."

"I'm afraid he's right-there's nothing in here about slobber balls."

"We come all this way to relax in the sun, then lug all this stuff to protect it from us."

Spoiler Alert

'Bill gets so irritable when he can't go hunting that I prefer to keep him heavily sedated until deer season comes around!'

Ghost in Goal

A goalie tries to catch a coronavirus

"It's a great film. It's quite sad though, they all die in the end!"

'...You've got no game.'

Spoiler alert for "Star Trek: Discovery." Spoiler will be said in 10 … 9 … 8 … What are you doing? 7 … What on earth are you babbling about, you odd, odd cretin? 6 … 5 … 4 … Your countdown is not working, loser. I have no interest in whatever it is you're going to say. None at all. 3 ... 2 ... 1 ... Are spoilers supposed to be given after "1," or after "0"? Tell be what you're counting down to! Tell me!

"Spoiler alert!"

"...I will save you ninnies hudreds of dollars by spoiling every single upcoming superhero movie..."

"Oh no, have you heard about Prince Philip?"

SPOILER ALERT! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about "Star Wars." You don't have to say "spoiler alert," minion. It's been a month. Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive. In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences. Um ... never mind.

'Yeah...very nice but I still think you're spoiling him.'

"Don't worry, I have another savings for your treats."

"Spoiler alert!"

"Mom said grandpa killed it so his penis would feel bigger."

"Spoiler alert - it's Captain's Savory Fish Shreds again."

"Oh wow, you won't believe what happens at the end!"

'What's wrong, haven't you heard of Global Warming?'

"Instead of hiding them, this will be much easier."

Bull fighter supporting 'No War!'

Spoiler Alert!