Spoiler Sheriff Pillows

Spoiler alert for "Star Trek: Discovery." Spoiler will be said in 10 … 9 … 8 … What are you doing? 7 … What on earth are you babbling about, you odd, odd cretin? 6 … 5 … 4 … Your countdown is not working, loser. I have no interest in whatever it is you're going to say. None at all. 3 ... 2 ... 1 ... Are spoilers supposed to be given after "1," or after "0"? Tell be what you're counting down to! Tell me!

"Well if I can't be a cowboy I'll be a lawyer for cowboys."

Billy. The Kid.

'And I love the part when he finds out that it was his brother all along!'

"Spoiler alert."

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

"Ain't isn't a word, and you know it."

'This has a great ending...he shoots her.'

'Stick em up' Kid plays with gun

'Don't read the Book of Revelations yet -- it's full of spoilers.'

'You're going to have to stay confined to the bunkhouse for a week.'

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I ruin it for you by saying it was the butler who did it? Such a good book..."

'-But,son they couldn't put a horse in a box THAT size, could they?

'The Book of Revelation is full of spoilers.'

"This town isn't big enough for the two of us."

"So if you don't want to know the World Cup results look away now until July 16th."

Spoiler Alert

"I had no choice...The idiot was trying to tell me spoilers about the season finale of my favourite soap opera."

Online Dating For Dummies

"It's a great film. It's quite sad though, they all die in the end!"

"That book was so cliche. Can you believe the butler actually did it?"

"People worry about what they're giving their children."

"The bad news is Lady Sybil has died in childbirth. On the other hand, Bates is back home and Tom's sticking around to help run the estate."

"...I will save you ninnies hudreds of dollars by spoiling every single upcoming superhero movie..."

"Spoiler alert!"

SPOILER ALERT! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about "Star Wars." You don't have to say "spoiler alert," minion. It's been a month. Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive. In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences. Um ... never mind.

"Do you want this with or without spoiler alerts?"

"Oh no, have you heard about Prince Philip?"

"Before you say anything, let me tell you which TV shows I don't want spoilers on."

"Spoiler alert!"

A Christmas Carl.

"Spoiler alert! It's just Captain Bob's Savor Fish Shreds again."

"Don't forget to unplug junior before you come to bed."

"Spoiler alert - it's Captain's Savory Fish Shreds again."

"Oh wow, you won't believe what happens at the end!"