Spending Sleuth Pillows

Missing Person - What Happened to Consumer Confidence?

"We finally caught the person who's been cloning you credit cards sir...Turns out it's your wife."

'This card's being rejected too. I'm sorry, but you've lost your credibility.'

British savings accounts

"Wait a sec, I have a coupon around here somewhere."

"So much for password protected."

'And I want that end table for $40...' When bargain hunters crack.

"Dad, wouldn't my allowance be better off earning interest in a tax free municipal bond fund?"

"And they say it's the safest 500-P/E stock out there."

IRS agent to professor scrutinizing tax return under microscope: 'Still looking for that tax loophole, professor?'

Have you seen my money?

"I've been told to go through all our expenses...cut out any fat, get rid of any costly perks!"

'I want you stop referring to our grant as 'The Big Dipper.''

'We've gone through your books and we demand payment in cash.'

"The bank examiners are here, oh!...I see you already know."

"We're going to need the best forensic accountants money can buy."

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

"I'm trimming the fat around here, Bailey, and I'd like to see you lose $75 per week"

Artwork in a gallery still has wet paint.

"Nice try, Mr. Willis, but it won't make any difference."

One young wife asking another if she finds it more economical to do her own cooking.

"You know my motto: Ready, aim . . . audit."

A measured response to the budget speech.

'Lecture on inflation, was £5, now £9.'

'We believe numbers don't lie, especially when interpreted advantageously.'

'How come you're questioning my petrol bill?'

Cut Your Bills In Half.

"Murder, eh? They nabbed me for bargain-hunting without a license."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Holmes, but we just can't allow all these deductions."

'Don't blame us. Blame the customers we mis-sold insurance to, for having the audacity to claim compensation.'

'Good heavens, Margaret, the bailout was for wall street, not for you.'

'Credit card customer of the month'

'Six hundred dollars! That's ridiculous! I could buy a new driver with that kind of money!'

"So. . . how did our first-stage financing go today?"

'There's lies, damn lies, and tax returns.'