Spend Thrift Problem Solver Gifts

'You have to work two and a half years to cover your annual living expenses.'

'It seems to work, I couldn't afford a blackberry!'

Queen of Upcycling!

'How effective is this new weight-loss regime?' 'We can guarantee you'll lose £50 at your signing on.'

Welcome all to the monthly gathering of Tightwads United. Hi there. Hello. Hey. On tonight's agenda: Dumpster diving, coupon clipping, and a special lecture. How to carpool while always getting the other person to drive. I'm like a god. Woohoo!! Yeah!!! Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap. Tightwads United.

'The sick economy isn't why J.B.has cut back on spending. He always was a tightwad.'

'It's time for the annual wage review...' (Sign on the wall says 'Remember money isn't everything!')

'It took a six hour operation to remove this fiver from your fist.'

"I think I found the perfect time of year to sell my old clothes!"

House sale.

"Well, one good thing about summer...is I work more hours and make a lot more money. The bad thing is...I have a lot more free time to spend it all."

Just Smoke and Mirrors - Gifts For the Easily Distracted.

'We have to move again -- I've worn out all the banks in town.'

"Baldo! Get away from my truck!"

'Turn right at the first $4.09 unleaded, then a hang a left at $4.03 unleaded, and over the bridge, past the $4.01 unleaded...'

'Your shops were known for selling secondhand tat, but we want to reimage them as environmentally leading edge social centres for the reutilisation in an enviornmentally sustainable way of secondhand tat!...'

Wallpapering.

'Teri and I rescued these cabinets from a landfill.'

Today, business expert, Professor Ernie, will answer questions. The first is from an upholsterer who has lots of business but loses money on every order. The problem is that you're covering everything except your costs! The owner of a baseball team wants to know if you he should re-sign the team's best player, the league leader in double and triples. I don't think he can afford the high base salary. And a perfume company is struggling to survive. Their strategy has been to only produce exo

"I feel that just as as I think I can make ends meet, someone moves the ends!"

"There's some question as to how long we're going to be able to keep the lights on."

'We only want small portions. I'm counting my calories and he's counting his pennies.'

Thrift: Have a face-lift, and keep the old face.

Thrift: Sew your mouth shut before going to a restaurant.

'Parties, discoteques, pubs... It's hard enough spending all your money without me having to earn it first'!

'You wanted this vase? Don't worry, I'll be having a yard sale tomorrow and you can buy it.'

'What do you mean, you can't look at the Milky Way because you're lactose-intolerant?'

That's very thoughtful of you - a check for five gallons of gas.

"That's 59p for the flight will you be needing the £345 'access to the toilet' option?"

2nd Hand Shop.

You call me cheap, but I saved 28 cents on these crackers. How many stores did it take? Three. And how much did you spend on gas? I walked. Face it, mother. You're just plain cheap. You make it sound so harsh. I so prefer "careful with money." "Skinflint" has a nice ring. Chips.

"Wow, this is weird. We've been pre-declined for a new credit card!!"

"You don't qualify for a personal loan. I'd offer you some personal advice but you don't qualify for that either."

Bob didn't have much disposable income. But somehow he still managed to throw away a little each week.

'This year, giving holiday gifts may be problematic. I want to regift, but I don't remember who gave me what gift.'