Special Adviser Pillows

'This is my special advisor, but between you and me, he's only here for the steak dinner.'

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

'How many times have I told to seize the day before it seizes you?'

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for the day. Teach a man to fish and you can charge a consulting fee."

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

"Why don't you start with tennis balls?!"

'I'll be back in three or four months - Hold that thought.'

'Want to make it two out of three?'

CIA, 'Confound it, Ruggles -- we're SUPPOSED to be worrywarts'

"Remember, Man of good Sense not here to do work on your behalf. Man of good Sense only here to help you on strategic level until you wise enough to overcome recession."

Farmers' Warnings.

"I can definitely give you my two cents, Sir – just let me know how you want it: Bitcoin, Paypal, or Venmo."

"I became a mentor because I needed more direction in life."

"Our intelligencia said we will be outnumbered 100 to one, but that we can hope it's only fake news."

"Behold the secret to happiness."

Automatic Congressman

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

"At least he's honest about it..."

"Mr. President-elect, the NSA is ready for your directives on who to spy on and how much."

Think tanks.

"If the headline screams catastrophe, but nobody cares to read it, does it still make a sound?"

'Where you went wrong' Desk.

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"And this is my cousin Dave, who handles the conventional wisdom."

'It basically boils down to you need to do stuff better.'

Don't forget to read the small print.

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."