Sparring Star Gifts

'Let's give him a couple more minutes, but it looks like we've got ourselves a bum who can't fight his way out of a paper bag.'

Chi Kick

Ice skater

"Them's cat-fightin' words, Arlin!"

"Sadie, I just heard they discovered lots of ancient cities buried hundreds of years ago in the jungles of Cambodia. They've each got weird geometric patterns outlining what may have been gardens. But no one really knows what they were used for. I guess what I'm asking you is... what were they used for? Y'know, since you were there to see them in their prime. They were used for ritual sacrifices of dullards. For educational purposes, I shall now perform one."

Academic Affairs: The Chair of Philosophy Corners the Chair of the Sciences

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

Two men in T-shirts, one shirt says Jesus loves me, the other Jesus loves me more.

Musical Fight

"Ohhh... He's out all right!"

Nature vs. Nietzsche.

Department de Philosophie

A poison pen fights a poison mic.

'When are you gonna get me some real competition?'

'One pundit tonight is from a think tank, the other writes 'Books for Dummies'.'

"I've been thinking harder than you have, and my thought experiment disproves your thought experiment."

'What do you mean, 'you can read me like a book'? You've never read a book!'

'Remind me again darling - what were we just arguing about?'

'I've gone over the fight tapes and I think I've pinpointed your weakness.'

'I say it doesn't matter what you believe as long as you're sincere.', 'Who do you think you're kidding?'

'Go out and win one to maintain your current lifestyles.'

'Can't we have just one conversation without you getting so defensive'

Football today

'Sorry to disturb you, sir, but coach is wondering if it is OK to put you in the game.'

"The government and I had a difference of opinion on what was tax deductible."

I'll trade you a gluten-Free Sandwich for lactose-free milk.

World Ping-Pong Federation.

'I say, Addison

"In this corner, a man who describes everything as 'Orwellian.' And in this corner, a guy who loves saying 'Kafka-esque!'"

Historians' Tiff

'How long until we get funding for the new gym?'

Boxing.

Thank goodness, SAVED by the Bell!'

"Twitter wars! Now that's for sissies!"

"Unlike most children, little Natalie loved it when her parents would fight... Oh, snap! Dad, Mom just called you cheap! Are you just gonna take that?"