Space Observers Gifts

"Honey, would you come out here for a minute?"

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

The aliens froze, gripped by a primal fear. This time there would be no abduction.

"What the... mine are lunar eclipse glasses!"

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

'Kids, today, Xerf brought in a planet that he found. Now if we look at it closely under the microscope, you can still see it's inhabitants scrambling around.'

"So you're just now tellin' me I was hatched from an egg and I coulda' left years ago?!?"

It's not a bad planet -- Their talk shows make it seem a lot worse than it is.

"Move along please. There's nothing to see here!"

"How can you cross the road so decisively? I have to stop halfway across every time to rethink it."

'That's one of those May-December love affairs. He's 251 years old, and she can't be a day over 135!'

"I can hear some rattling: Better start writing those birth notices Darling..."

"No aliens"

"Oh crap, my mood ring!"

"This is Matt with your five day forecast, on location."

Astronaut Selfie.

"Man, they can't do anything right. Half the countries are underdeveloped. The other half are overdeveloped."

'What day is trash pickup around here?'

'There it is. Just above Orion's Pants.'

It's only a can of mace. If you don't learn to stop overreacting, we'll never fit in.

A spider meal prepping

"I love it when they come with warning labels."

Sure, Jupiter's the biggest, but I hear he uses Asteroids to build up his bulk!

"Another fly-over planet."

'This new star sends out periodic pulses in a very appealing rhythm -- I think I'll name it 'Bossa Nova.''

'Asteroid, asteroid!' ... 'Fore!'

Bird Bathrooms

'...I think I found Ursa Major.'

Space junk.

"Should't we have a better backup system in case our monitoring equipment goes down than a bowl of jello?"

Your karma will catch up with you!

"Sir, there's a crack in our lens!"

God's Fly Swat...

'I've always found the stars disappointingly small.'