Soybean Sipper T-Shirts

'I'm into natural foods, Joe -- give me a martini with a soybean in it.'

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

"Bad morning. I was running late and skipped my coffee, diet soda, energy drink and Ritalin."

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

Pasta

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

The last song before the party exploded.

"My inner child wants to have a playdate with your inner child."

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

"Sigh...Another sherry Harold...Go team ect."

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

Running Latte

'Would you like some of our house wine? I just made it.'

Milton wonders if it would be possible to substitute scotch and sex for tea and sympathy.

'Just wait until I'm introduced to carbonated beverages!'

'I told her my biological clock was going off, and she hit my snooze alarm.'

Anton's Bar and Grill

A very fine vintage

"Our seasonal special is spiced pumpkin apple butternut squash ale. Would you like that in a frosted mug or over ice cream?"

I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it? No. What if I drank scotch and smoked a cigar and listened to vinyl records and grew a big lumberjack beard? It's what all the hipsters are doing. You're not a hipster. I'm at least a kneester. At most you're a keister.

"How do I know if it's fresh?... You asked for 'the soup of the day'. You didn't specify what day."

'Come to order' 'I'll have a burger, hold the mayo, and a large cola.'

"'60 Minutes' is on."

"Mom, what kind of soup do we eat when we're sick?"

Frank and Ernie's Diner. I'll have the beef and tomato consomme from Santiago. Coming up one chilly Chile Chili!

"When I was your age, I was a lot older."

"My famous chicken soup! The secret ingredient is the rum."

"I'll just have a Diet Coke. I'm in the middle of my novel."

"Here, son, don't forget your glass of fizzy."

"A foot bath after a long hard day at work is really nice!"