Sous-chef Spouse T-Shirts

'Tell me the truth, Helen, you married me for my cooking, didn't you?'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

Chez Nous Menu

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

"De l'huile bouillante, pas du fromage fondu!"

An Advance Visit From The Three Wise Men

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

'I wish I hadn't coloured in all that bread, now.'

Soup Company: Chicken Stock, Beef Stock and Laughing Stock,

Boys Cooking

'It was so romantic. He got down on one knee, showed me the ring, and proposed--right after we exchanged credit reports.'

Beef Stew.

Now we know --- It's good for making toast, not good for heating up meatloaf!

Mozart eating noodles.

"It's fondue night!"

'I think we've done it, Igor! This will be the hot new sports drink of the summer!'

"Everywhere you look, there's a rate hike."

Lunch-Hour Highlights

'You want a pizza with everything? -- Do you comprehend the philosophical implications of that?

'I can't make dinner right now - I'm installing new software.'

'I'm sorry he's your cousin. Could we get a little tartar sauce with the fish?'

"Excuse me...but there are hairs in my soup. I think we should be supportive when our friends open a business. But sometimes I wonder...what are they thinking?"

"It needs a dash of gravel, I reckon."

Pie Shoppe and Sweeny Todd's barber shop.

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersized in a bucket?"

"Larry's made new friends learning to cook. He knows everyone at the Recipe Emergency Hotline."

Cooking the books

'I know I promised to love, honour and cherish you but I don't remember saying I'd cook for you.'

'Do you have any books by writers?'

"Wow kids! You made challahs! Great job!"

Dr. Frankenstein: 'Heyyyy, What THE...?!'

'We don't want your business; we just want the recipe.'

The entrées were $30 each. The extra $15 is for all that damn fresh pepper you made me grind!

'Get over it. Not all restaurants offer toy prizes.'

'But how could the witch fit Hansel into her microwave?'