Soul Food Philosopher Gifts

Chicken Soup for the Vegan Soul.

"How can you be out of wings?"

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

View to the Future

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

The Gospel According To Jane Brody"Orange, come in. Apple, come in. Hey you, frankfurter, hold it right there."

'The meaning of life is dog food.'

'Is it guilt that when you eat us that we are no longer called pigs but bacon, pork chops or ham?'

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

"To paraphrase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure without pain au chocolat."

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

'If I order pasta and she orders antipasta, did we really order anything?'

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

Surprise in the salad bowl

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'Young lady, I'm afraid existential despair is no excuse for not eating your lima beans.'

You'll be a manicotti soon enough, son - Just enjoy being a mostaccioli while it lasts.

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"Carpe pizza"

"What does the time traveler do when he's hungry? Go back four seconds."

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

Avocado Timeline

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

"Is it free-range?"

'I'm saving some for leftovers tomorrow.'

The Politics of Food.

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

"They have oat fiber, wheat fiber, and rice fiber, but no moral fiber."

"I know, boy—I miss the smoked salmon at Zabar's, too."