Sophisticated Sipper T-Shirts

"It's a naive domestic Burgundy without any breeding, but I think you'll be amused by its presumption."

"Persistent, well-rounded, and full-bodied, with hints of smoke, and just a soupdon of irregularity."

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"For those planning to post a nit-picking, fault-finding critique of us online, may I suggest out 'whine and dine' menu."

"May I say, sir, the staff and I just knew you'd see through that Beaujolais."

"This is quite good. What region is it from?"

"This wine tastes like a**....Bring me every bottle you have!"

"Fruity nose, hints of wild cherry, soothing on the palate, goes well with cough and cold."

Velvety. And so was the wine.

'Too acidic? On the contrary, I find it well balanced.'

"One man's dirty water is another man's Earl Grey."

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

Wine Lady

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

"I detect a subtle bouquet of money."

A very fine vintage

Wino Appreciation Group

"Look! I can almost spot the bar I should be in right now!"

'It's not worth worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. No two quarks in a small region can occupy the same quantum-mechanical state.'

"And would you like a wine stopper?"

Cocktails and Peacocks

Can I get you another coffee?

Scariest Tactics

Gin-etic Engineering

Shall I draw a cork for us?

"We start with black coffee and then add a lot of stuff so it doesn't taste like black coffee."

"I highly recommend our featured red. With its markup, what waiter wouldn't?"

The wine was fruity and quite lively.

"Bartender - givish me another shot."

Acme Instant Muscle Ade Machine

Man battles for his life against 'A Very Lively Little Red'

'Pub drinking games with bottled water may be sensible, but they're bloody boring.'

Wine Prices

"Here's an idea son, stop trying to order our drinks by text and get yourself up to the bar!"

Best wines book