Soot Smudger Gifts

"I wish I knew how you managed to get so filthy at work everyday!"

The Endless Battle of the Organic Gardener

Sana's Back with his soot eating grin.

"Just a couple of ninety cent seed packets, and you can have fresh garden vegetables for heaven knows how long."

"Good news. It wasn't a toxic chemical leak. It was an old pizza in your kid's room."

"I just love candle-lit dinners."

'You've never planted potatoes before have you?'

Woman in need of an extractor fan.

What's that, Lance? It's called a newspaper. It's like a Kindle, but instead of your fingers leaving smudges, they get smudged.

'The computer's down again.'

'I gained about two hours a day. I gave up the New York Times.'

A very in tents little girl.

"Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom or night will stop Ed from overcooking the fish."

"We find the Rolf Harris tape provides reassurance for our clients."

"I'll rent one out as a Dirtbnb."

The unorganised organiser.

During the winter I shovel snow. In the spring I mop the mud. In the summer I sweep up dust and during fall I rake leaves. In the theater of the seasons, I'm always a member of the cleanup crew!

'The surgeon left a couple sponges in me, but on the plus side, I'm able to soak up spills without a mop.'

Weod Monath (Weed Month) The Saxon word for the month of August.

'I NEVER get stuck in the mud!'

A man connected to his PC.

"When was the last time you cleaned the fridge?"

City Pollution

Car exhaust as a monster

'He's got a dreadful cold - everytime he sneezes he covers the place in soot'.

"I'm just trying to get through the rest of my life without buying another umbrella."

"Sometimes I think he goes outside, rolls around in the mud, then comes in and shakes it off on us on purpose."

"Your dad doesn't want to see or hear any comments on his social media page. Please explain to him how to turn them off."

Fresh Air Supply

'Just look at this carpet! I guess what they say is true. Nature does indeed abhor a vacuum.'