Soon-to-be Dad Chuckles Gifts

'I'm banking on celebrating Father's Day this year!'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

"Please let go of Daddy's chest hair."

'Let me get this clear. You want me to give you paternity leave before the baby is born.'

"It was a difficult delivery."

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

Welcome to the uterus. Please be seated. Your mother will be with you in nine months.

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

They Removed my Brain.

'Good one Dad. Imagine your catch if you had bought us REAl fishing gear.'

"Wow, yours is already climbing your beard!"

'That's my girl. The one in the white uniform.'

Gas Mask.

'Don't take it too hard, Dad, Mr. Hodes down the street is just having a great year.'

Open other end

'What sort of silly planning is this?...I've got fingernails but no teeth to chew them with.'

A man outside of gents toilet sees sign: New Men - With Baby changing facilities.

"From now on, just pillage."

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'Give us a toot...'

Some blind dates work out just fine.

"It's a Buoy!"

'Excuse me - could you please get out of my way - I've got a baby.'

Your CV is rather thin...

'He definitely has your eyes!'

"Well he smells like his father."

'Look, I think she recognised you!'

Poopy Baby

'-but Becks and Michael Owen BOTH started youg and I KNOW she's a girl but girls play too,y'know...

Baby Teething.

'Congratulations. You're the father of two tax exemptions.'

"... me being in the the plumbing trade, I sorted something out."

"On second thoughts let's stay in tonight...now that we have another mouth to feed."