Songwriting Sleuth T-Shirts

"And now a little number that asks the musical question 'Do you recognize this meat cleaver?'"

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

Lennon and McCartney.

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"Think of it as buying in – not selling out."

Anna Calvi

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

"Woke up this morning, someone had nicked my guitar..."

George Michael

"This next one's another oldie."

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

"That is an outrageous slur."

This next song goes out to the girl who stole my heart and my guitar.

"Do you like it better when I go to the F or the Dm?"

"She loves you... yeah... yeah... yeah..."

Michael Jackson

'As I walk through the halls, I see teachers teaching and students learning and I say to myself, 'what wonderful school, what a wonderful world.''

"How about we write a song combining Brexit with unrequited love?"

Guitar Man.

New music conference

Bryan Ferry

'I don't know much about history, don't know much biology ... but we'll be OK if there's a round on song lyrics.'

Jeff Tweedy caricature.

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

Tarzan has gone into advertising. He's king of the jingle now.

"This next one's called 'Song for Me'."

"I can neither confirm nor deny what this next song is about."

"This next song is just a song. Try not to read anything into it."

Bashful in Nashville

"I've got those 'Don't worry about me, I'll just be here, all alone' blues."

"Thank you! That last tune took some fancy fingerpickin'. Apologies to those in the front who may have gotten a press - on nail or two in their drink."

"This next one is a typical blues number about exceeding your data plan limit, cracking your ipad screen, and losing your new ear buds."