Songwriter Soul Gifts

"Well of course you're depressed... You're a country and western singer."

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

Lennon and McCartney.

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

Anna Calvi

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

"Think of it as buying in – not selling out."

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

'Sure, a drawing on Facebook has coverage, but nothing wows the family like a spread on the fridge.'

Cat Tie

"Woke up this morning, someone had nicked my guitar..."

George Michael

"This next one's another oldie."

"Michael, your father and I are worried that you're awfully young to be singing the blues."

"That is an outrageous slur."

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

'As I walk through the halls, I see teachers teaching and students learning and I say to myself, 'what wonderful school, what a wonderful world.''

"How about we write a song combining Brexit with unrequited love?"

Bryan Ferry

"The next song was sixties anthem for the youth subculture of revolution, anarchy and anti-establishment...and can now be heard in elevators worldwide."

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

"I've got those 'Don't worry about me, I'll just be here, all alone' blues."

"I wrote this one after my third startup failed. It’s called ‘I Got Yer App Right Here.’"

Bashful in Nashville

"This next song is just a song. Try not to read anything into it."

"I can neither confirm nor deny what this next song is about."

Tarzan has gone into advertising. He's king of the jingle now.

"Can you forget about that damn moon for two seconds and lend me a hand with the harmony?"

Jeff Tweedy caricature.

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

"This next one's called 'Song for Me'."

"Thank you! That last tune took some fancy fingerpickin'. Apologies to those in the front who may have gotten a press - on nail or two in their drink."