Songwriter Soul Mugs

"Well of course you're depressed... You're a country and western singer."

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"Think of it as buying in – not selling out."

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

Cat Tie

"Woke up this morning, someone had nicked my guitar..."

'Sure, a drawing on Facebook has coverage, but nothing wows the family like a spread on the fridge.'

"Michael, your father and I are worried that you're awfully young to be singing the blues."

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

"That is an outrageous slur."

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

'As I walk through the halls, I see teachers teaching and students learning and I say to myself, 'what wonderful school, what a wonderful world.''

Bryan Ferry

"How about we write a song combining Brexit with unrequited love?"

"The next song was sixties anthem for the youth subculture of revolution, anarchy and anti-establishment...and can now be heard in elevators worldwide."

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

"I wrote this one after my third startup failed. It’s called ‘I Got Yer App Right Here.’"

"This next song is just a song. Try not to read anything into it."

Bashful in Nashville

"This next one's called 'Song for Me'."

"I can neither confirm nor deny what this next song is about."

"Can you forget about that damn moon for two seconds and lend me a hand with the harmony?"

"I've got those 'Don't worry about me, I'll just be here, all alone' blues."

"Thank you! That last tune took some fancy fingerpickin'. Apologies to those in the front who may have gotten a press - on nail or two in their drink."

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

"This next one is a typical blues number about exceeding your data plan limit, cracking your ipad screen, and losing your new ear buds."