Soil T-Shirts

'My report is on preserving the environment.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

Garden Shop - Top Soil, Bottom Soil (manure)

"It says here that people can't live without soil. I knew it!"

"Bob! Your manure's here!"

'That plant food really works!'

Garden Shop: Top Soil. Bottom Soil.

Working 9 to 5.

Sorry, I only eat organic, fair-trade, shade-grown, biodynamic, raw dirt.

That endless instant between initial eye contact and conscious recognition.

It's to stop you getting side-tracked.

"I say we settle around here, there's no chemical aftertaste to the soil: Must be an organic farmer..."

Garden Talk - "I've decided to do some muck spreading."

Man running from desk: 'I can't seem to get away from my work lately.'

'I know that's what your father calls it, Sweetheart...but a nicer word for it is fertilizer!'

'The good news is I just dethatched the lawn. The bad news is the lawn was nothing but thatch. . .'

How's this mulch for improving my soil? Not good. It's full of toxic wood chips. They poison the dirt and don't decompose. Just what I need. Subprime loam.

The timing doesn't work for eco-club to start a garden. I have a better idea. Build a compost bin. You can recycle the school's leaves and grass clippings. You'll have good soil for a garden next spring. That's not enough time for college admissions essays. Write about the trauma of delayed gratification. Never heard of it.

Life is simpler in the sticks.

I like you Roger:- you've got sticktoitiveness.

"What time is it mentally?"

User friendly soil.

'The old man's really serious about his rooftop gardening.'

'He may have green fingers, but he's got dirty finger nails!'

'He has a weak character. Notice how easily he lets his work distract him?'

Workaholic

'Boy this is a great garden: You can taste the natural compost and fertilizer...'

"You forgot to adjust your hilling discs again, didn't you?"

Worm Appreciation Society!

This plant is a lousy malingerer!

'Try to relax, Ed. It's a beach, not sandy soil.'

Earthly Delights Garden Centre

I'm looking for a job?

Boss, what would you say if I told you that if you don't give me a raise, I'll go work somewhere else? I'd say "Wouldn't it be a shame if your letter of recommendation mentioned how you're an awful employee?" And I'd say "Isn't it a shame the town council has made sure this is the only cafe within fifty miles?" But the way, have you delivered my latest care packages to the council members? Very bad man.

'I think we found the spot where you spilled the fertilizer.'