Soil Comedy Fan Pillows

'Is it ok if I just bring in some of our carpet?'

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"Here we go again. Look at me everybody....I'm a cloud."

"Go ahead, tell him... Your friend is correct. Nuts are fruit. Why won't you ever believe me?"

"That's right. An increase in your title!"

Snowman Driver

"He's a keen conservationist - especially where energy and water are concerned."

'And who told you to give the Holy Shroud a good wash?'

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

'Yes Sir, I am at this very minute passing on your recommendations for staff wage cuts to the appropriate department'

Coming Soon: Haunted Homes on 60-foot lots.

Cards Galore.

"Hold on a second there, Roger; Ken's raised some very good points."

'You needn't of bothered, it grows on trees up here.'

'Unknown fact: Cows aren't grazing...they're searching for their contact lenses.'

'I'd like to apply for a job as a predatory lender.'

Je-Hereford's Witnesses

"Oh, I'm sorry. That procedure isn't covered. Now, spin the wheel to see what you'll pay."

"Oh, boy! My favorite! plotting soil!"

Russian eggs.

Japa-knees

"We're a bit polarized here, I'm afraid. Ingrid wants to invade Haiti, I don't."

Fenton, Griff, Wintz & Barkins - Attorneys-at-law: The Legal We Do Immediately, The Illegal Takes a Little Longer

"...and in this circle the wi-fi is particularly patchy..."

Give Chlorophyll.

"Say hello to my little friend!"

JERRY SPRINGER'S GUESTS TODAY

'It all sounds very nice...But I'm a bit busy. Have you tried the shepherds behind the hill?'

Torontino Blessing - "Ha! Fucking! Ha!"

'Without a pay raise, it's impossible to attract good people to government -- why, just look at me!'

Donald Trump as a Baby Joker

"Well, I just assumed you wanted your toast like your coffee."