Software Sleuth Gifts

'Tech support says your anti-virus software did not catch the problem since it is not a virus. It's a bacterium.'

'It's something to do with a Microsoft copyright infringement.'

If at first you don't succeed call it version 1.0

"...Software upgrade provides a seamless transition from simple functionality to multi-platform confusion, chaos and frustration..."

Mental Breakdown

He crash tests software.

'Well the GOOD news is that the new software analyzed hundreds of thousands of potential customers to identify any that would have a genuine interest in the product...'

'Your acceptance is tentative until we can rule on the question of your knowingly using pirated software.'

"Sorry I'm late, but the computer urgently needed my assistance to upgrade to something about which I have no clue."

"The report is clear that cyber crime is on the increase, it's a worry."

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

"It's so cute when the boss brings his son to work and pretends to let him help out!"

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

"Careful! He knows computers."

Cyb-R Safe: Offering the most convincing illusion of on-line security available today!

Clickbait

"Honey, are we watching TV or is it watching us?"

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

'What an execrable day. I got drenched in a Wiki leak and buried in a document dump.'

"We've updated our privacy policy...it's so private we can't even tell you."

Computer Crimes

"I've entered your PIN for you. "

The Modern Godot

"Google gets thousands of requests each day to erase links. Most of them seem to go back to my website."

'Is it one moo for yes two moos for no?'

Tiger discovers the online wildlife trade.

'He knows where the viruses are buried.'

'Gimme all your cache!'

'Hey, somebody's been accessing MY email too!'

Uncle Sam is Big Brother.

"Your call may be monitored by the CIA, NSA, Russians, Chinese, space aliens..."

"It's the age-old question of our existence, Bill: 'Why does bad data happen to good computers?'"

"Don't mind me, folks, I'm just here for regular system maintenance."

"I'm just sitting here collecting vast amounts of metadata. And what are you up to?...Oh, I already know."