Sofa Detective T-Shirts

"Hello 911? Yes it is an emergency. It's my ball. It's gone right under the sofa."

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

"The couch hates me Jane!"

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

'We're sure they're in there... but we're not certain if they have weapons of mass destruction.'

'So, what's it gonna be? Are we gonna watch a good cop show tonight, or a bad cop show?'

My comfort zone

"Let me through... I’m an armchair detective!"

"At least you have taste when it comes to your computer's wallpaper."

"Time! Ladies and gentlemen please, for yet another probe into the brewing industry"

Hipster Police Department

'Darling...I'm afraid the sofa salesmen got the better of me.'

'Daddy, why is that man wearing a blank T-shirt?'

"I wonder which will come first. Me finishing this binge worthy Netflix series or another Netflix rate hike."

Mystery section...

"The Procrastination World Championships were only a month away. He never trained so hard."

VARIOUS ITEMS OF LABELLED KITCHENWARE.

"Not sure what to watch? Go to menu/settings/power/off/pick up a book."

'Ed's always been a bit of a dreamer.'

'We added on to the couch.'

'Don't be absurd, Holmes. There is no way Moriarty could get at our Swiss account!'

'He's part Great Dane and part couch potato.'

"I found the problem with your dryer. . . here are a bunch of socks you probably thought were lost!"

"She died doing what she loved."

Chillaxing!

"Police have no suspects at the present time but believe that the motive for robbery was the desire for increased income."

"I was thinking we might staycation on the sofa."

'We've found it Chandler- The forbidden temple!'

"Just tell us what we want to know, and you can sit in the comfortable chair."

I'd say you've got assertivity issues