Soda Sipster T-Shirts

"I really didn't think dad's retirement fromthe family business would be like this!"

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"Bad morning. I was running late and skipped my coffee, diet soda, energy drink and Ritalin."

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

Bryan Ferry

"...Stop complaining if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!"

The last song before the party exploded.

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

Running Latte

'Just wait until I'm introduced to carbonated beverages!'

A Transformer for grownups

"Our seasonal special is spiced pumpkin apple butternut squash ale. Would you like that in a frosted mug or over ice cream?"

Anton's Bar and Grill

'Come to order' 'I'll have a burger, hold the mayo, and a large cola.'

"Don't you worry JB, everything is fine here."

'It's not worth worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. No two quarks in a small region can occupy the same quantum-mechanical state.'

'I've still got the fire in my belly, but for the next two weeks I'm solar powered.'

'This cola only has half the calories, so if I only drink half that would be no calories!'

“There once was a woman who lived in a can of prebiotic soda… & only then did she consume enough to reap the health benefits claimed on the label.”

"I'll just have a Diet Coke. I'm in the middle of my novel."

"When I was your age, I was a lot older."

Common stock, Preferred stock, Private stock.

Coffee Overload: 'I'll have a low fat soy latte, no sugar, two biscotti...make that a Columbian-Kenyan bean bend...oh make it snappy, I'm in a hurry!'

'Don't you have anything larger?'

'A wine list? How prosaic. This is our list of lists: beer, wine, single malt scotch, water, soda, cognac...'

Billy strip: bed pan.

New for Fall

Parson wishing to seem as though he is not drinking

Gin-etic Engineering

'Put an olive in it please. My doctor says I need more greens and less alchohol.'

"Does this make us three sheets to the wind or four?"